#16 - LICENSE TO WED

Plot: Robin Williams is a voyeuristic priest with an affinity for sexual humor and little boys. An engaged couple fall victim to his mindgames and spiral into a horrific, depraved dreamscape.
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
If there is one thing that makes this movie perfect, it is its subtlety. It would have been typical of the ingrained industry writing machine to have this movie be a run-of-the-mill comedy with romantic sentimentality thrown in. Okay, so it does have that, but it also adds another crucial ingredient for making this the all-time classic that it is. This movie is one third psychological thriller. Once the amiable cliche-riddled introduction gets out of the way, Robin Williams takes his character to uncharted waters; the notion of a priest spying on a couple's sexual activity is perhaps one of the most controversial, yet commentative scenes in the movie. Williams' young sidekick, played by star-in-the-making Josh Flitter, is altogether chilling as he masters the exact mannerisms of pure evil and imbues the film with the most nightmarish qualities possible. Mandy Moore and John Krasinski were real troopers to sign onto such an ugly, deceptive movie such as this, but their performances are extremely good throughout, considering the amount of emotional weight they must have had to endure to pull some of the scenes in this off convincingly.
Best scene: John Krasinski's epic massacre of a burning church full of robed cultists, hellbent on murdering his unborn child.

An early scene, before things get nasty.

#15 - PREMONITION

Plot: In the sequel to Groundhog Day, the mood veers into a surprising new direction as Sandra Bullock relives the past week leading up to her husband's fatal car-crash.
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
Sequels normally get a bad rap but this one is definately one to take notice of. The cult classic Groundhog Day is an endearing high-concept comedy, yet its 2007 sequel is more of a dramatic supernatural thriller. At first, the transition is quite jarring, and the connection between the two movies is at times strenuous. But soon you realise that the movie is an expansion of the established Groundhog universe, and that there is an unlimited amount of scenarios and stories to spring forth from it. The movie itself is nonsensical and broken, but the ground transgressed in solidifying a new, promising franchise is what pushes this into interesting territory. An intriguing manipulation of expectation, Premonition is better serving as a foundation than a lasting source of entertainment.
Best scene: Sandra Bullock tracks down the witch doctor whose spells are the cause of the supernatural time-reversal curses placed on her and Bill Murray's characters. This scene also provides a perfect set-up for further installments.

Sandra Bullock and Julian McMahon, scared of the sight of their own shadow.

#14 - DATE MOVIE

Plot: A town is unknowingly host to a malicious virus that turns normal people into extremely unfunny impersonations of seminal movie characters.
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
This complex piece of post-modern horror digs deeper than any previous movie in this series. Here is a movie that shows no restraint in its examination of the human condition and the limits of our psyche's descent into the overwhelming mundanity of contemporary cinema. Here is a film that exposes the disgusting, decomposing underbelly of film audience and architecture in the most horrifically exaggerated way possible. While not the most scarring of the series, Date Movie will surely impregnate your senses, possibly turning you off movie-viewing for a decade or even forever. These shock movies aren't really my cup of tea, but for being one of the first, Date Movie is absolutely deserving of acclaim. From sick minds comes the best kind of art, and as supremely challenging as this material may be, it's importance should be indisputable.
Best scene: Choosing just one scene out of the wealth of moments tattooed into my recollection is no easy task, but the immortal Kill Bill parody is as monstrous as it is pulse-quickeningly beautiful.

Warning: This film has been known to trigger psychotic episodes in some small-to-medium sized endotherms.

#13 - CATCH AND RELEASE

Plot: Jennifer Garner has emotional problems.
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
Poignancy! A guilt-free tearjerker that combines memorable characters and performances with some very intriguing human moments. What would you do if your loved one passed on? Could you move on? Would you need guidance? Would you shack up with Kevin Smith? Tough questions that we all might need to face one day, and it's mesmerising to watch Garner tackle it. Not since Elektra has her acting been so impressive. Timothy Olyphant is pleasant as the romantic lead, and the scenery is oftentimes breathtaking, but what really gets to you is how believable the world of Catch and Release is. Make no mistake, this is melodrama. But it isn't a Hallmark midday movie either. it's a large step above, in no small part to it's cheeky sense of humour and fantastic cast.

Best scene: Kevin Smith recites a eulogy for Jennifer Garner's fiance which contains 26 references to The Empire Strikes Back and 9 references to The Breakfast Club.

This movie will capture your heart. And it won't release it.

#12 - MATERIAL GIRLS

Plot: Two spoiled high-society sisters suddenly go bankrupt and are out on their asses with no money. This film documents their bittersweet adventures of finding a way to cope with having to work for a living.
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
Biting contemporary commentary that resists the cliche. This is actually a darker movie than you might expect; there isn't a whole lot here that the typical Hilary Duff fan can grasp on to. Remarkably this movie shoots for a more mature market, a big step up for the sisters Duff, who shed their sugar-coated personas for waspy, loathesome creatures of opulence and sloth. In the end, of course, they find their perspective in life, as well as respective boyfriends, but the character writing remains topnotch regardless. Even though the first half of the film is superior, this is one of the biggest surprises I can remember having, and have bought the DVD as gifts for everyone I know this Christmas. It's that good. Fresh, satirical and with a message. What else can you ask for?
Best scene: Hilary Duff eats Haylie Duff out of severe hunger desperation in the film's epic climax set in an abandoned bus depot.

Why no Material Girls 2?

#11 - FRED CLAUS

Plot: Vince Vaughn has a SERIOUS case of overshadowed sibling syndrome. And who can blame him? His brother is Santa Claus!!!! Can you imagine!?
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
This is just a wickedly clever little movie for kids and adults alike. Light-hearted and cynical at the same time, Vince Vaughn stumbles around as the film's anti-hero with aplomb, managing to upstage the likes of thespian actors Paul Giamatti, Kevin Spacey and Rachel Wiesz. Everyone pulls their weight in suspending this wonderful Christmas fantasy movie that has been crafted to perfection for the kiddies during the holiday period. But I challenge all adults to refrain from letting out a chuckle or twenty at the hilarious and strangely relatable antics of poor Fred Claus on his quest for love and acceptance. The very punchy writing and attractive direction make this a no-brainer for festive viewing.
Best scene: Fred Claus goes to a discussion group of others who suffer in the shadow of their more-successful brothers. Expect a large heaping of high-profile cameos and gut-bustingly funny anecdotes.

I had this much fun watching this movie.

#10 - ZOMBIES! ZOMBIES! ZOMBIES!

Plot: A drug-dealer mistakenly takes a hit of zombie-inducing serum, resulting in a zombie outbreak in the red-light district. A group of survivors take refuge in the nearest strip-club.
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
Triple the amount of zombies. Well, not really. But still, this is one hell of a tribute to the Romero classics that spawned the entire zombie genre. I would even go as far to say Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! exceeds all of the Romero films, as it picks and chooses only the finest conventions from them and uses them with precise efficiency. Gone are all the flabby expository scenes and the overly-dramatic tones. Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! knows what it's audience wants to see. Bare women and gory killing. And this film does it like no other. Except for Zombie Strippers!, bizarrely released only a few months before. But when the concept is this good, a quick-release remake is alright by me. Besides, this manages to stand out just by focusing more on the survival and horror aspects of the genre, as well as remaining sexy and tongue-in-cheek about things as well. A good balance of moods, and an even better source of entertainment.
Best scene: The grisly confrontation between Dr Stewart, played by promising bit actor Micheal Clinkenbeard, and the remaining survivors is one of the movie's rare examples of full-horror. Nothing is played for laughs here.

Warning: There is more blood than boobs in this movie.

#9 - VENOM

Plot: A zombie person is hellbent on maiming a group of teenage friends due to some voodoo ritual thing.
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
You get exactly what you pay for with this one. Thrills, spills and more thrills. I seen a lot of zombie movies, but I've never seen one like this. For one, there isn't a ton of zombies. There is only one which adds an entirely new way of interpreting the genre. The twist here is that the one zombie packs the power of about 400 zombies, and is armed with hooks and barbed chains and all kinds of nasty tools of torture. What really sets this apart from most horror movies is that this really goes for the jugular in the scares department. Voodoo has always been one of the scariest and mysterious things for me since I was a child, so this definitely got under my skin. Throw in an inventive story to tie things together, unusually good character development and some truly awesome makeup design, and you get one of the best little horror movies in years. Don't overlook this one.
Best scene: The terrifying swamp battle between the zombie and the girl. I don't want to spoil anything, but trust me when I tell you it will stay with you.

I have no doubt this movie accurately portrays voodoo culture.

#8 - D.E.B.S.

Plot: Four lesbian secret agent schoolgirl lesbians partake in top secret lesbian-related reconnaissance missions to take down the lesbian supervillian bent on lesbian world domination.
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
Lesbian espionage. These girls are on fire. Lesbian fire. If you want a great spy caper movie, look no further. Yes, it has lesbians throughout, but there's a surprising amount of smarts in this fun, contemplative comedy-thriller. Nifty special effects, deep character work and an seductive, dynamic cast, I think you'll find yourself sucked up into this glossy, sexy cartoonish world where friendship, individuality and above all lesbianism, are explored with sincerity and utmost maturity. Funny at times and always compelling, D.E.B.S. is proof that lesbians are more than just an abhorrent abomination of biology.
Best scene: Devon Aoki admits that she has never watched Queer as Folk or The L Word and is quickly nailed to a tree and disemboweled by the rest of the cast.

It's called D.E.B.S. because all four main characters are named Debbie.

#7 - PHAT GIRLZ

Plot: Mo'Nique retreats to a holiday resort to rehabilitate her eating disorder and her discriminatory views on skinny people.
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
Mo'Nique. Besides being a very fun name to say, Mo'Nique is actually a sidesplitting and more than capable comedic lead. Who knew? She takes her proud-to-be-heavy character and runs with it. It may be at the hands of newcomer director Nnegest Likke, but Mo'Nique practically never comes off as a big, fat slob at all. Not once. Instead, her large figure takes on a glamorous side, hopefully showing that the plus-sized of us can have just as much fun and love as the fit and healthy. The movie is handsomely made, has some nice satirical swipes at the superficial fashion industry, and most of all, it's believable. What tall, ripped black dude wouldn't want to have sex with Mo'Nique? She makes being an enormous, ugly blob vogue.
Best scene: Mo'Nique eats a lasagne over the span of 12 minutes whilst breathing heavily.

Mo'Nique is phat! Also fat.

#6 - 27 DRESSES

Plot: Katherine Heigl is a wedding planner and she's sick of seeing people getting married instead of her and then she meets some guy and she hates him at first, but then sorta likes him and becomes interested in him but then she finds out he wasn't the person she thought he was so she hates him, however all is eventually forgiven and she ends up marrying him.
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
The freshness of the screenplay by Aline McKenna and the compelling aptitude of the lead roles. Malin Akerman is just golden in this movie, as are Judy Greer and James Marsden. But what a performance from Katherine Heigl, who time and time again comes out with these brave, sharp-as-anything comedies with heart. There's really noone else like her in Hollywood at the moment; so unwilling to play it safe, so hellbent on risking it all on movies like 27 Dresses. I have to hand it to her, the risks paid off in full with this one.
Best scene: In a surprise twist ending, Katherine Heigl's 18th dress escapes the storage closet it had been imprisoned in, vowing to return when the world least expects it.

Katherine Heigl going where no actress dares venture.

#5 - PISTOL WHIPPED

Plot: Stephen Seagal is an ex-cop, an ex-mobster or an ex-CIA agent. I forget which, but it's always one of them. Circumstances arise that leads to him being double-crossed or something.
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
Seagal, basically. Where other recent Seagal movies have disappointed, this one succeeds. Seagal still looks like a smelly, fat son of bitch but in Pistol Whipped he's finally found something that works to his strengths. And there are admittedly few of those left.
Seagal is clearly in the movie game for his fans, and this is the first movie in a long time that actually checks every box of Seagal awesome. Written with the utmost of wit and utilising the mega-credibility of Mr. Lance Henrikson as an adversary worthy of a patented Seagal-asskicking, Pistol Whipped shines and brings the long-dithering action star back to his roots.
Best scene: Stephen Seagal has a perfectly paced shootout in a cemetery amongst oversized tombstones and very flammable hearses. Just watch it. It's glorious.

I think he's meant to be Italian-American in this movie. But who can know for sure.

#4 - FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY

Plot: Two American Idol contestants, Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson, meander around Spring Break Florida in search of true love and the perfect R&B melody.
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
Because of the wellspring of talent gushing through every frame. Truly the work of an auteur, director Robert Iscove brings a modern day Romeo and Juliet like it has never been seen before: bikini clad. I could talk all day about the dynamics of the characters, the homages to Busby Berkeley and cinematic romanticism, Guarini's hair... but I'm not going to do that because, well that's my personal decision.
Best scene: All the musical numbers are standout. But if I had to choose just one at gunpoint (and that's the only way you'd get me to choose just one, mind you), I would highlight 'The Luv (The Bounce)' as the showstopper.

The Luv. The Bounce. The Luv Bounce?

#3 - FOOL'S GOLD

Plot: Matthew McConoughey and Kate Hudson are estranged lovers / maritime historian treasure hunter people things. They must stop at NOTHING to uncover the motherload of all maritime treasures before their rivals do.
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
The chemistry! Also the shwashbuckling. But mostly the chemistry. Matthew and Kate sizzle, not once offput by the fossilised patriarch Donald Sutherland slumped in a captain's outfit boozing it up in every second scene. If shirtlessness is your bag, then you are in luck. Donald Sutherland brings the goods.
To be honest, I can't remember specifics. But whenever that happens, I know that it was so good my mind had to forget it just to cope with the awesomeness.
Best scene: Kate Hudson traps a henchman down a jagged, violent blowhole resulting in him being literally churned to pieces and erupting from the spout in a geyser of blood. This actually happens.

You'd be a FOOL to pass on these riches.

#2 - A LOT LIKE LOVE

Plot: Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet have a series of fleeting, moronic conversations over the span of 10 years or something
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
Well it has Ashton Kutcher in it, for starters. That alone puts it above the normal pedigree of romantic comedies these days. It's also rare to find such a tightly woven and inventive story in this genre, as A Lot Like Love visits the central couple in various stages of their lives and doesn't seem contrived or manipulative or forced or overly reliant on coincidence at all! A slew of fantastic, impossibly funny supporting actors round out the stellar cast.
Best scene: Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet's intricately choreographed reenactment of two retarded people trying to act civilised in a Japanese restaurant. It contains no dialogue, and goes for about 18 minutes.

Oh, and Kutcher's serenading is worth the 90 minute running time alone.

#1 - BECAUSE I SAID SO

Plot: Diane Keaton has a series of violent psychotic episodes in the leadup to her daughter’s wedding.
Why is this a contender for Best Movie. Ever?
Because it said so. And also because it contains that malfunctioning psycho-thespian Diane Keaton, of whom I doubt we've seen the last of on this site.
What's great about this movie is that Keaton gives a no holds barred performance that culminates in an onscreen meltdown unlike anything you've ever seen before. Trust me. Mandy Moore, Piper Perabo and Lauren Graham do their very best to make this film a dull and almost impossible to watch rom-com movie, but Keaton impressively holds the conventions of cinema hostage, effectively making this a post-modern horror movie.
Best scene: Stephen Collins' character discovers Diane Keaton's character is a Nazi war criminal in hiding, resulting in a lengthy knife fight atop the Golden Gate bridge.

Yeah, you DEFINITELY need to see this movie.

IN SEARCH OF THE BEST MOVIE. EVER.

Join me on my quest to once and for all view the perfect, be-all and end-all of cinema of the last century and onward.
It will be a long road, but a rewarding one. For at the end of this, I will have found the Best Movie Ever.

Please note my opinions are paramount and thus disagreement with all that pertains to said opinion is prohibited by my own brand of sadistic justice. Thankyou, and enjoy.